Post #72 - Reshaping Me

God is changing me. Changing the way I think, the way I speak, the way I act. God is maturing me and molding me into what I need to be for the next stage of my life. He's reshaping me to fit my purpose. 

Life changed me over the years. Made me less of who I am supposed to be. The experiences of life - the heartbreaks, the disappointments, the rejection, the lies, the hurt. They all had an adverse effect on me. 

Isn't that always the case? Doesn't it seem that we allow the negative experiences to effect us more strongly than the positive ones?

Why??

I allowed myself to dwell in the pain of my past for a long time. The disfunction and fear caused by the pain I experienced became a normal and expected part of my life. I began to accept it as who and what I was supposed to be. 

I was wrong.

That is not the person I was meant to be. Not the person God desires me to be. God told me that He couldn't use me while I was faking through life. While I was pretending to be someone that I am not. 

The pain I went through was not intended to break me down and make me bitter and withdrawn. It was meant to teach me the ways of the world, to heighten my discernment, and to mature and strengthen me.

I allowed it to do the opposite, not understanding how people who claimed that they loved me - that they loved God - could do the things they did to me. 

Though I did begin to discern more clearly and listen to my gut more closely, I also began to pull away from people and opportunities. If it posed a challenge or if it felt strange, I ran from it. I didn't want to be hurt or fail again. 

I valued being alone more than anything. It was how I coped with life and the pain I still felt inside. I had no problem putting people out of my life. I felt that I and my life were better that way. Better without them. 

But, God began to tell me how He wanted my life to look... 

We're not meant to be alone. We don't have to let in those who are out to hurt us or keep those who consistently hurt us, but we shouldn't keep EVERYONE out.

We are made to love. We should guard our hearts and make sure we're not being callous with it. But, we shouldn't lock it away and refuse to love again. 

We are peace makers. I've always felt like I had to fight my way through life. That's been the narrative. That's been the case for most of my life. But, it's not what God desires. 

Matthew 5:9 says that God blesses those who work for peace. He wants us to reconcile ourselves with one another, seeking peace, understanding, compassion, and forgiveness. 

Holding on to anger and unforgiveness does not reflect the character of Christ. And anger does not produce the righteousness that God requires (James 1:20).

So, I'm letting go of anger. I'm not seeking my own way and I'm no longer allowing myself to get drawn into arguments. I'm loving more freely. And seeking peaceful resolutions over fighting to be heard.

God is reshaping the way I look at life and how I handle conflict. He is bringing out the gentler, more graceful part of me. He is preparing me for greatness and godliness... in every area of my life.

God is healing me and shaping me and molding me into what He needs me to be. To do His works. And do it with confidence and boldness. Without thinking about the things that hurt me and tried to stop me.

To do it with God in mind.