Post #10 - No More Procrastination

It's been 10 days since I began challenging myself to write and post something to this blog everyday. I intend to continue to post everyday for a year, and so far, I doing pretty good.

But, consistency is hard!! Can I get a witness??

It's hard to figure out what to write about everyday. And, it's hard to stay focused and disciplined enough to get something written.

To be honest, I have been shamefully procrastinating to get my writing done. Just about every night, I have waited until the last minute to write something and get it posted before midnight.

I'm sure nobody noticed, but the majority of my posts over the last ten days were shared after 10 pm.

And some of them were made after 11.

That's because I would realize around 9:30 or so that I had not written anything, or I didn't finish what I started writing for the day. I usually find myself busy trying to complete EVERY task on my "to do" list AND watch A Different World... and I end up NOT getting done as much as I would have liked to. Then, I end up rushing to get a post written and published on time.

In fact, that's what's happening RIGHT NOW!

I looked at the clock at around 7:15 and said, "Dang! I still ain't write nothing to post tonight!"

**No, I don't speak proper English when I'm talking to myself. Don't judge me!**

I picked up my laptop and started to write, and immediately started thinking about all the other things I still had to do. And that I'm crazy tired. And that I still don't feel well. And that I have to schedule my day for tomorrow....

Uuuuggggghhhh!!!

So much to do in so little time!

Actually, I might be able to get more done if I made better use of my time and maybe put off watching A Different World until my work is done.

Instead, I've found myself pushing something out at the last minute and getting mad at myself - again- for putting it off until so late.

SO.... in order to get myself together and attempt to be more efficient, I am not only challenging myself to post to this blog everyday... I am also going to ensure that I write, edit, and post each day BEFORE 7 pm.

I think that's AMPLE time to complete my daily "to do" list AND write something meaningful for this blog. And I still might be able to catch a little of my favorite show once my work is done.

Problem solved. 😁

So, I'll be "seeing" you a little earlier than usual every night. Who knows? I might even start posting in the morning...

Either way, we have a daily date to kick procrastination's butt!! Because, after all, we are overcomers!!

Want to read about what else I have overcome during this challenge (fear, insecurity, inconsistency)? Click here.

Post #8 - The Break Up (It Was Necessary)

I recently went through a pretty bad break up. And, though the events leading to the break up were difficult and painful, they were necessary.

At first, I was perplexed by what happened. How did the relationship deteriorate so fast?

But, then I remembered that nothing just happens. Everything happens for a reason.

Before this relationship, I was single for a very long time. I had gotten divorced in 2006 and had not had a serious and meaningful relationship since.

I would like to say that I was happy being single and content with being on my own. But in actuality, I avoided men and relationships to avoid being hurt. There's no unnecessary drama and foolishness in your life when you're single.

I also took the single time to heal from my very volatile relationship and subsequent divorce and felt I was getting over all that had happened.

It wasn't until I entered into what I considered a serious relationship that the truth of what had been held inside me came out.

I didn't even realize it, and wasn't fully aware until after the relationship fell apart, that I had begun expressing the fear of reliving what I had experienced in my last relationship.

The fear of being hurt, the fear of being deceived, the fear of being controlled and losing myself in the process... again... all came out of me.

I put up my wall of protection and preservation and reacted every time I noticed something remotely out of whack.

My ex quietly rebelled against my show of fear and quickly became exasperated. I say he quietly rebelled because he didn't outwardly talk to me about my actions or his frustration. He held it in, possibly not even realizing that he was getting angrier and angrier - until he blew up in what seemed like never-ending arguing.

Obviously, because the situation involves another person, I will not go into great detail about what happened, but I think I am touching on the main gist of the story...

Anyways... before I knew it, the relationship was over and I didn't quite understand what I had done to contribute to its breakdown.

Until God revealed my mistakes.

He reminded me of the situations where I could have been more supportive or more appreciative. He showed me where my fear had taken over and I wasn't quite being myself, saying and doing things I normally wouldn't.

I thought that I was over all of the pain from the past. After all, it had been nearly 13 years since I was divorced. I had no idea that it was still lying dormant, waiting for something, or someone, to come and wake it up.

It was unfortunate, and very painful, but it had to happen.

If I had remained single and never gotten into a relationship, I would have never known that those fears still existed. I would have never known that there were issues that I still had locked inside and needed to be worked out.

I was blindsided by what was inside me, as I'm sure he was. But, as weird as it may sound, I'm glad that it happened. I now have the chance to grow and overcome those fears. I am no longer bound by them and I don't have to be afraid to give all of myself to the right relationship.

To my ex... I'm sorry. I know you were caught in the crossfire and didn't know how to deal with what you were experiencing. Honestly, neither did I. I pray for healing and revelation for you, and above all, the understanding of the fullness of God's love.

And mine. I love you forever.

-Erika!

P.S. This blog was inspired by the necessary changes brought to light by the end of this relationship.  To read the other posts that are contributing to my consistency and growth, click here.

Post #7 - How to Overcome

I recently shared that I struggled with fear and insecurity for a long time. I kept me stagnant and stuck. My desire to do something meaningful was overshadowed by fear. I was unable to move, too scared to be seen.

I feared that I was being judged and ridiculed if I stepped out and did what I was supposed to do. I was scared of the exposure and criticism and didn't want to put myself into the very vulnerable position of purpose. Instead, I opted to stay hidden in disobedience.

But, after some eye opening conversations with God and some very honest friends, I realized why I couldn't seem to overcome the fear...

I didn't trust God.

YUP!!

The answer was simple, but very hard to accept!

I went to church, I worshiped, I prayed, I even believed that God was able do everything He promised in His Word... but I didn't trust Him enough to protect ME from the things I feared.

Basically, I had no faith. 

I may have believed that God would do what He said He would, I just didn't trust that He would do it for ME. I had to take responsibility for that fact.

And I knew what else I had to do...

I had to take God at His word. And I would have to continuously do so.

If there is no one else that I can trust, I CAN truly trust God, and I can be sure of that.

So, I let go of my fear and grabbed hold of the safety of God's promises.

He said that He would never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). He said that I don't have to fear, for He is with me (Isaiah 41:10). He tells me to fear not because I am His; He has called me by name and redeemed me (Isaiah 43:1).

I believe these things. I know now, WITHOUT A DOUBT, that I am an overcomer. And I have no reason to fear.

Trusting God is the answer to overcoming EVERYTHING that keeps us bound. Everything that keeps us from being less than our best. We can trust God with our lives and He will take us safely to our promise. 

Post #2 - Experience: Fear

I recently released a video on overcoming fear and insecurity (to watch that video, click here). In that video, I shared that I had been struggling with fear for a long time. For years, I had been too afraid to go after my dreams or to start new projects for fear that I would fail.

I also shared in the video that fear is a liar. It is not real. Fear is just a story of "what ifs" that fearful people tell themselves. It is the excuse we make to ensure we do not get hurt. It is the wall we build to keep ourselves safe.

But there is nothing safe about fear.

Fear starts with a thought. It takes a stifling hold of the mind and convinces us that we cannot or are not worthy to do something. It makes us believe these lies, then it manifests itself through our actions.

Because fear takes over the mind, it takes a renewal of the mind to defeat it.

We have to stop those fearful thoughts as soon as they enter our minds and not allow them to take hold and be exhibited in our actions.

Instead of believing the lies fear tells us about ourselves or others, we must remember who God has told us we are. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are more than conquerors. We are the head and not the tail. We are children of God and heirs with Christ!

We need to rebuke the damning thoughts brought by fear, pray about them, and think on things that are from above. Philippians 4:8 tells us that "whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

We need to think on those things that bring us closer to God and closer to who we really are in Him, rather than believe the lies that fear tells us about ourselves.

When we bring our minds under subjection and think on the things that are of God every time fear tells us that we can't accomplish something or that we are not good enough, we defeat fear and stop believing its lies.

We must remember that God hasn't given us the spirit of fear. It does not belong with us. With this knowledge, we can give our fears over to God and be assured that He will deliver us from them.

And the more we spend time with God - in prayer and reading His word - we fill ourselves with God's truth and fear becomes easier to overcome. It is easier to look fear in its face and still do those things that make us feel afraid.

We cannot allow fear to keep us from our purpose, our blessings, or our breakthroughs. Right on the other side of that thing that we have been too fearful to do is FREEDOM. Fear is keeping us bound and we've got to DO IT AFRAID so that we can conquer the spirit of fear and reclaim our freedom... our minds.

Fear is that line drawn in the sand and our blessings are being held hostage on the other side. LET'S GO GET THEM!